A Field Trip
by Painappuru
Summary: Nagi's class is going on a field trip to the zoo, and its his gaurdian's turn to be chaperone. What kind of cruel joke is the world playing on Brad? The -REALLY- cruel kind. Duh. ^.^ Just a little something funny. Nothing too special
1. Default Chapter

o.o; Hi ya. Ahem. So…this is my first Weiss fic, nothing too serious, just a little story for laughs. ^.^; Just to forewarn everyone, I have a terrible habit of starting stuff and loosing interest halfway through. Indeed, most of my ideas don't even make it to my computer before they get pushed aside. Also, I am really lazy. So, don't get you hopes up for me finishing this. But I'm gonna make it nice and short, so that hopefully even my attention span will last through the effort of writing it! Also, I can't really write. Sorry. I know I get kinda put out when bad writers pretend they can write. I know that sounds mean, but hey! I'm in the same boat! I would just like to ask anyone who suffers through this to give me a little constructive criticism so I can get better! Thanks!

  
  


Disclaimer: Juice is really tasty. OH! And I own a really nifty pair of bugnuks that I made, all by myself! Go Ken!

~ ~ ~

Prologue

Poor Crawford…

  
  


"A field Trip?"

"To the zoo."

"No."

"But Crawford-"

"I said no."

Cool blue eyes bored into him as a delicate hand pulled the newspaper down and away from in front of his face. The two individuals stood in the middle of a large living room. Sunlight streamed in through the large picture windows of the spacious penthouse apartment, illuminating the seen of a well dressed, dark haired man resting comfortably in a plush, peach colored arm chair, and a fragile-looking teenager standing in front of him, engaged in a glaring contest.

"Crawford-san," Nagi began smoothly, "It's my guardian's turn to chaperone the class field trip. If you don't want to have to get into these situations you shouldn't have signed me up at school."

A scowl darkened the normally smooth and emotionless face of the American as he frowned back at the composed boy in front of him. "A good education is invaluable in life. Not to mention that it would raise suspicions if you were to remain unenrolled in school." 

He knew this argument was a ploy by the slight boy before him to get Crawford to take him out of school. Nagi hated school, and though he never specified why, the tall, well-dressed man knew it was because he was anti-social, and felt left out in the presence of the other children. All the more reason to keep Nagi in school. If the boy expected to survive in this world, he had to know how to react in social situations without slamming someone into a wall.

"You could always say I was home schooled."

Folding his newspaper and setting in on his lap Crawford looked at the slim Japanese teenager with mild annoyance. That was quite possibly the worst idea Crawford had ever heard in his entire, bad-idea ridden life ("Hey Crawford! Let's put worms in Mr. Mitchell's shoes!" "Put those down."). And had been some baaaad ideas ("Hey Crawford! Let's smoke these fireworks!" "Oh God! Put those down!"). 

"No. If you were to remain in the house all day, unsupervised, you and Schuldig would kill each other, and, more importantly, drive me insane." I would be lucky if the house was still standing when I came home. It's bad enough with only Farfarello and Schuldig to torment each other. "Speaking of which, get him to escort you on your little class outing." 

Crawford knew as soon as he uttered those words that he had no choice but to accompany Nagi on the trip. He could foresee it. Schuldig would encourage all his charges to jump into the lion pit. Farfarello wouldn't even make it all to the way to the school without butchering something. That kind of attention was not something Brad Crawford could afford to be focused on his team. He cursed mentally.

Nagi, as if sharing the vision that had just come to Crawford, merely raised an elegant eyebrow in a movement no doubt picked up from the very man he was using it on. "Chaperones are supposed to be responsible and keep the class safe, Crawford."

Damn that kid. He was determined to make Crawford suffer.

~ ~ ~

It was stuffy in the classroom. Through the windows, Crawford could see the black top of the parking lot outside, and the shimmering waves of heat that were beginning to rise from it. It was only 8 o'clock and already the day was promising to be extremely hot. It was only a few weeks from summer break and it certainly seemed like summer already. Crawford was beginning to regret wearing his suit. 

He had already ditched his sport coat in the car, on Nagi's pleading request, in an attempt to seem slightly more casual. Indeed, all the other 3 parents standing at the front of the room with him were wearing tacky, brightly colored T-shirts and shorts. 

One woman's outfit (a loud Hawaiian T-shirt featuring multi-colored bunnies on rainbow surfboards with a pink and yellow background, combined with a pair of blue and red plaid shorts) was enough to give Crawford a large headache and a case of vertigo. Yet he, the man in a blue dress shirt and beige business pants, was the one getting all the weird looks. Stupid humans.

"I'd like to thank all the parents and Guardians for helping out, by coming along and chaperoning the field trip! I just know that everyone will have a great time!" The pretty, young teacher, Ms. Inomata-sensei, was gushing. About as much chance of that happening as a giant pineapple crashing down out of the sky, thought Crawford, as the teacher began to take attendance. What sort of cruel joke was this, anyway? That he, Bradley Crawford, Oracle of Schwarz and professional cold hearted bastard, was supposed to look after a group of school kids on their trip to the zoo?! The world, indeed, was out to get him.

Stealing a glance at Nagi, sitting in a desk near the middle of the room, he could tell the boy was thinking along similar lines. A passive expression was on his face, as usual, but Crawford could pick up the slight difference in the mask that marked it as one of resignation and long suffering. Crawford almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

After all, it was Nagi's fault Crawford was here suffering too. 

"Right! Now that we have attendance," Continued Ms. Inomata, looking up from her clipboard and smiling brightly at the children seated before her, "I would like to introduce you to your Chaperones for today! Mr. Yamamoto," she waved to a tall thin man with a beard and wearing a tan safari shirt and green shorts, "Mrs. Takahashi," the Hawaiian shirt lady, who was rather plump, "Mrs. Tsuchiya," a relatively young, athletic looking mother, "And Mr. Crawford, Nagi's guardian." The teacher finished waving in the Shwarz leader's direction. 

The whole class nodded at this, as if it explained something. Crawford chose to ignore this reaction and turned his attention instead to wild roaring of a motorcycle outside, as it swerved into the parking lot, and the sound of screeching brakes that quickly followed. A figure leapt off the bike and made a sprint towards the building. A vision shimmered to life inside Crawford's mind. Pounding footsteps echoed down the ha, the classroom door was thrown wide open, and-

"AH! OH NO!"

Crawford jerked his head around to focus on the teacher again, his hand sliding toward the gun holster he wasn't wearing, fingers grasping futilely at empty air.

"Where's our fifth chaperone?!" Ms. Inomata's pretty brown eyes were large and distressed, peering around the room as if the missing person would magically appear out of someone's backpack. 

Crawford, with great effort, forced his hand away from where his holster would have been. He had foreseen he would end up shooting the young teacher if he had brought it. That would have been bad ("Hey Crawford! Let's eat these tape worms!" "Oh. My. God! Put those DOWN!). But if the woman was going to wail about every mishap on this hellish trip then maybe he would have been better off bringing his gun along anyway.

"Please Inomata-san!" said a brown haired boy near the back row, raising his hand, "Ken-nii-chan said that he might be a little late in arriving. He had to attend to work early this morning, but he should be hear very soon!"

As if on cue, pounding footsteps echoed down the hall, the classroom door was thrown wide open, and in strode none other than the brown haired, claw wielding assassin of Weiß.

~ ~ ~

  
  


To be continued…god, and rodent sized attention span willing.

  
  


Yes! Little bit of a cliff hanger, I know. Ya know, originally I was planning on making this a one-shot. But I felt it should be in multiple parts for some reason. Don't ask. I just did. Deal with it. ^.^ Thanks for making it all the way down here and reading it! The next will be an actual chapter. So, come back soon! Ja Bye Bye!


	2. CH 1: The Devil Wears a Suite

Woo. An update. I hope everyone has accomplished all that they wanted to in life, because the world is coming to an end. I can hear the trumpets sounding and the four horsemen galloping our way as we speak. 

Ha.

But seriously. I'm lucky my English teacher is having us write a page of whatever we want on a bi-weekly basis. This way I just slap down another page in the fanfic and turn it in for points. . I always feel like such an idiot tho. Oh well. Maybe that marching band is done sapping the life out of me I'll actually write more of this ; *coughcough*

I'd just like to start off responding to reveiws ^.^ They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Mistress of Darnkess 1: ^.^ Thanks for the vote of confidence! I'll try my best to make this a tolerable and funny story. But I never said Omi was ever gonna be in this. ^.^ You'll see!

Whisper Reilman: ^.^!!! Thanks for the compliment! I loved throwing Ken and Crawford together. I just think that their personalities clash so much XD. Having them tear eachother apart will be fun. And yes, when I thought of Crawford wearing his suite to the school field trip and nodded along with the rest of the class. He like, never takes it off. Thanks for all the suggestions too! Just thinking about them made me laugh. Tiger pit and name tags it is!

Strawb-sama: I'll try to keep going! Thanks for the review. ^.^ I love the word 'bravo' by the way.

Geniune-san: Lol. I loved those 'eat the tapeworm' and 'smoke fireworks' things as well. My friends really liked them too. I'm glad you like the story so much! I'll try to finish.

Misura: Thank you for the input! I'm glad you like my story so far. If you find any faults or have suggestions that would improve my writing don't hesitate to beat me over the head with it! ^.^

Thank you to everyone for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. 

__

~~~

"Please Inomata-san!" said a brown haired boy near the back row, raising his hand, "Ken-nii-chan said that he might be a little late in arriving. He had to attend to work early this morning, but he should be here very soon!"

As if on cue, pounding footsteps echoed down the hall, the classroom door was thrown wide open, and in strode none other than the brown haired, claw wielding assassin of Weiss.

~ ~ ~

****

Chapter 1

And now, ladies and gentlemen, someone who needs no introduction……

****

*Silence*****

…Pst! That's you!

Oh!

~ ~ ~

"Hidaka-san!" Ms. Inomata cried out joyously, clasping her hands together in the most sickeningly sweet way anyone could possibly imagine, large tears brimming at the corners of watery-brown eyes. The whole effect had something about it that was somehow eerily a-kin to Bambi. "You made it!"

"Yeah," said Ken, rubbing the back of his head and grinning sheepishly at the class as he walked in, "Sorry about being late and all. Aya needed some help moving some heavy pots and-"

Ken froze. Utterly and completely froze. Foot halted in mid-stride, mouth open, with forgotten words dying on his tongue. All at the simple sight of one man. A single, well-dressed man, standing amongst the three other adults at the front of the class. It took a few seconds for Ken's shocked brain to register the information. 

Ms. Inomata failed to notice the sudden, strange paralysis that struck her new chaperone, and immediately began jabbering to Ken about how glad she was that he could make it on the class trip. One would think with the rapt way she kept looking from Crawford to Ken, and back again, she would have noticed the tension that filled every cell of the two men. Oh well. Maybe the sparkles in her eyes interfered with her vision or something. Go figure.

Ken, for his part, heard nothing of what Ms. Inomata was babbling. His whole being was focused on one thing.

"Schwarz." 

The sound was barely a whisper as it left Ken's mouth. More a movement of the lips that suggested a word, than an actual vocalization. It couldn't possibly be real, Ken reasoned to himself. The ex-soccer player closed his eyes for a moment, and blew out an imperceptible breath, willing the vision of Schwarz to be gone when he opened his eyes.

Aquamarine eyes eased open again. The Schwarz man's own golden-brown orbs met his gaze steadily. 

Crap.

A single ebony brow raised itself above the rim of the man's glasses, as if to say 'Yes, I am here, and what the hell are you going to do about it?"

Double Crap! 

Ken's face instantly twisted into a mask of disgust and hatred, his brow furrowing, nose wrinkling, and lip lifting slightly to show white canine teeth in a silent, animalistic scowl. Ken focused a death glare that would have done Aya proud on the cold leader of Schwarz.

However, Crawford, who was used to such glares of fiery death and hate- both from encounters with the Weiss redhead, and Schwarz's own resident redhead when informed he could _not_ go out drinking all night- was unaffected. Unfortunately, a poor, near-by, innocent potted plant had no such immunity to the laser-like glare and spontaneously combusted. 

For some reason, this went unnoticed by all the adults who were more or less watching Crawford and Ken, leaving the plant to blacken and curl in utter obscurity in the corner as flames devoured it. Two nearby students, both wearing identical trouble-making grins, began feeding notebook paper to the flames as well.

Mean while, Ken was still staring at the tall American before him, slowly fighting the swirling current of hate and fear telling him to 'Kill now, ask questions later'. Ken fought to focus his thoughts. 

Schwarz was here in the classroom. The cold, business-suite-wearing leader of the most dangerous rogue assassin group in Japan was standing in the middle of a classroom. 'Of course.' Ken thought, metal voice dripping sarcasm, 'Makes perfect sense, what else would a cold, murderous, bastard do on his day off? Why go for a friendly visit to a classroom!' 

It was a set up. It had to be, but then why had the man looked equally surprised to see Ken there? True, the look had been brief, and the American had quickly covered up his shock with a neutral expression, but the flash of surprise that had crossed his face had been unmistakable. The ex-soccer player struggled to remain calm as he stared down the tall dark-haired man in front of him. 

Ken had only ever seen the impassive leader of Schwarz dressed in his beige business suite. Today, it appeared, the man had dressed down. By his own standards at least. The American still wore his beige business pants and blue dress shirt, green tie looped professionally around his neck, but he apparently gotten rid of his suite coat. This eased Ken's tensions slightly. It didn't look like the black-haired American could hide a gun anywhere on him currently, the dress shirt and pants were perfectly pressed and showed no tell-tale lumps of concealed weaponry. 

Even in the odd situation he was in Ken could not help but feel scruffy compared to the leader of Schwarz in his worn work jeans and faded red shirt with a zig-zag collar. Both of which were slightly smudged with dirt and mud from helping Aya move the heavy potted plants outside for some sun. The athlete surreptitiously knocked one of his work boots against the floor to dislodge a clod of the mud clinging to the bottom of it after catching sight of the smartly polished black shoes the foreigner was wearing. 

Ken quickly flicked his searching glance over the other chaperones quickly to see if they had any inkling as to what the American truly was, a cold-blooded killer. Ken found only the guileless and cheerful faces of parents looking forward to spending quality time with their kids. The soccer player winced slightly 'And really _ugly_ clothes…' he thought. That made him feel a little better about his own muddy attire. 'No, Idiot! Focus!' Ken desperately dragged himself back from such inane thoughts to the more important matter at hand.

'Okay, so he's in a classroom, unarmed, and hadn't been expecting me. Why?' Ken could not make any sense of it, any way he looked at it. But then again, could Ken really afford to just _assume_ the man wasn't carrying any weapons just because it wasn't obvious? No, of course not. The American was probably packing, the brunette just couldn't see it. 

'But that still doesn't explain why the hell he's here!' Ken thought sourly, 

'Worry about _why_ latter, Hidaka, concentrate on getting _out_ now.' A second voice chirped in his head. 'Good idea' Ken agreed.

The ex-soccer player, struggled to remain calm as he went over the situation in his head. He was trapped in a classroom, with a killer American, and totally unarmed. Not good. 

Ken leveled at dangerous stare at the tall American before him, putting all his anger and rage into the look, to stave off the growing panic in the back of his mind, and swallowed. The man continued to meet Ken's stare calmly. Ken swallowed again. Was it just him or was it getting hot in here?

'Okay, okay. Options…' He could turn around and bolt out the door, but that would mean putting his back to the Schwarz man, and Ken wasn't quite willing to do that yet. He could jump out the window, but there were too many kids in the way. He could-

The kids!

Ken's expression instantly shifted from one of rage to one of panic, eyes widening to an incredible size, and his pupils shrinking to pinpoints. The Schwarz bastard obviously had a pretty good idea of Ken's train of thought, for a small smirk twitched at the very corner of his mouth, and his cool gaze shifted towards the children seated before them. 

Seiji! Where was Seiji?! 

Ken's head whipped around to scan the seats frantically. He had promised to look after him! What could he possibly tell Seiji's mother if- There! Ken heaved a huge sigh of relief. There he was. Ken could spot the head full of messy brown hair and a sunny smile near the back of the room, right next to-

Ken's eyes nearly bugged straight out of his skull. Right next to the Schwarz Brat! The Schwarz kid was here too! Two members of Schwarz were here? 

'What next?!', Ken thought hysterically, 'The white haired psychopath?!'

Ken instantly regretted that thought the moment it crossed his mind. He quickly and fearfully scanned the classroom for signs of either of the other two other Schwarz men. The fact that he found none only succeeded in making the usually good-natured assassin, if possible, even more enraged and paranoid. He swept his eyes over the room again, this time searching for a possible spot the rest of Schwarz could be hiding. Maybe the other two were hiding in the broom closet over there…

Yes, Ken decided, about to storm over to the closet and rip the sliding door right out of the wall, They must be hiding there.

Just as Ken was about to take his first step towards the closet that, Ken was sure, was the secret hiding place of the two missing Schwarz members, something grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip.

Schwarz!

Ken ripped his arm out of the supprizingly tight grip and whirled, hand clenching into a tight fist and coming up as he turned to face his attacker, ready to deck- the teacher?

Ken checked the swing of his punch as quickly as he could, ending up punching his own arm to avoid hitting the pretty young teacher's face, which, at the moment, consisted of mostly two large, liquid brown, doe-like eyes.

"Ken-san! Are you listening to me?" Demanded the teacher in a simpering hurt tone, over the apparent lack of attention the handsome ex J-leaguer was paying her. Her eyes became watery and she latched onto his arm again.

Ken was not in the best mood at the moment, and the teacher's clingy actions put him in mind of the screaming fangirls in the flower shop, that he had thought he had escaped today by coming to chaperone for poor Mrs. Uchida-san. Instead, now he has Schwarz to deal with. Ken would take swooning junior high girls over Schwarz any day.

When Uchida-san had shown up at the park Saturday with Seiji for soccer, she had looked horrible. Black bags had formed under her eyes, which were blood shot and watery. Her small, button-like, nose was hidden behind a tissue, and what little of it was visible was as red as a cherry. Ken had immediately felt sorry for the small Asian woman, who was obviously sick as a dog, yet had dragged herself out of bed to bring Seiji to practice. Ken had started to admonish his student for making his mother bring him to practice when she was so ill.

"It is all right Hidaka-san," The mother had broken in, "I'm fine, thank you. And I'm so busy anyway, having Seiji at soccer practice is such a blessing. I won't have to look after him for a few hours." The small woman had given Ken a watery, but genuine smile, then burst into a coughing fit.

Seiji had made a face and proclaimed loudly that he didn't _need_ to be looked after, he was fifteen. Ken told him to go warm up with the other kids.

After Seiji had run off to join the others Ken had offered to walk the unsteady Uchida-san back to her car. She accepted the offer greatfully and shuffled along next to the young soccer coach to her car.

"You're such a kind person Ken-san," The small mother began as they walked, "You do so much for the children. Seiji just loves you, you know. And I don't know what I'd do if Seiji didn't have soccer. I'm just been so busy lately-" She broke off to sneeze violently and blow her nose into her tissue. Just doing that seemed to disorient the poor woman and she began drifting to the right as she walked. She was really out of it.

"You seem very ill Uchida-san…are you alright?" Ken asked concernedly, wondering if he should try to steer the woman back on course. Apparently, it was not needed, as she snapped back to reality at the sound of his voice and began walking straight again.

"Oh, yes, I'm quite fine I'm sure. I just need a little rest is all. But, oh, I don't know how I'll ever get it. I still have to do all the errands today, and I have an important meeting tomorrow, and on Monday I'm scheduled to Chaperone Seiji's class trip to the zoo." Another coughing fit over took the tiny mother, "I just don't know if I'll be able to make it."

Overcome with pity for the poor woman, Ken had said the words that had now sealed his fate. "I have the afternoon off on Monday Uchida-san, I'd be happy to Chaperone for you." 

~ ~ ~

TBC…

So you see, Omi's not actually in here at all. I kinda figured that if Omi and Nagi ran into each other at school, Omi would end up smushed pretty fast. I just don't think them going to school together would work out. The only reason Crawford and Ken haven't ripped each other to shreds, is the fact they don't have weapons, and the crowd of people. And even that isn't gonna stop them for long. Nagi could make something fall on Omi, like a book case, and no questions would be asked. O.o Sad but true. ^.^ So Ken's soccer kid goes here.

Once again, helpful reviews are always loved!

Thank you!

~Painappuru~


End file.
